Instructions

Step one.
Remind him that you love him,
Despite all transgression, you and he may make, have made, will make
Remind him that he is the reason you left your bed again this morning.
The reason you understand what it is to cry because you've never been happier
The reason you're up at quarter to five, thinking about how you wish you could make everything okay
At any cost.

Step two.
Every day be stronger.
Don't fail him like you did last time, not because he won't forgive you
But because you never want to see that look of hurt in his eyes again.
Because before you can fight the world for him, and make no mistake, you will
You must first be enough, be there, don't make the same mistakes twice.
Because you can't live with being the one who brings him down.
Not ever.

Step three.
Fail

Step four.
Be filled with loathing and resent
Lash out at the world around you, be angry and hostile and don't explain.
Because you refuse to admit, even to yourself, that failure is your greatest fear
Get caught up in your mistakes, let them plague you, let them eat away at you
And slowly filter into him until you're both miserable and alone and sitting in darkened rooms
Just before sunrise.

Step five.
Fall in love all over.
Cry about how much you care, miss him even though you just made small talk in the kitchen
Panic about how you promised yourself you would never surrender yourself like this again
Realize you have never loved anyone like you love him and you never will, in your entire life.
Feel alone and guilty. Read his sad poetry and cry. Blame yourself for things you cannot control
Watch awful television.

Step six.
Realize you've been a fool.
Cry some more as you remember that you are human and he will forgive you.
Feel unworthy and loved at some small romantic gesture. Cry again.
Be unsure if you are happy or sad. Regret things you've said.
Ponder the essence of these emotions as you tell yourself that this has all been in your head.
Imagine that you heard him say goodnight at your bedroom door.
Feel foolish and small, but simultaneously incredibly grateful.
Smile sadly at the dim glow of your laptop.

Step seven.
Remind yourself he loves you.
Remember that you and he will always be together.
Reaffirm that you will make his life better or die trying.
Feel comforted.

Step eight.
Repeat.