I am Happy

I can feel exhaustion sinking into my bones
A perfect day slips away under the cover of night.
The sudden yank, the chain that draws you back to the prison you thought you could escape.
Awake to happy thoughts, the sounds of music but a body to tired to appreciate.
I am happy. I am happy. My soul bears great weight as I remind myself.
Awake to inhale reality. Tell yourself once more how happy you are.
Brush hands over invisible scars.
Get help. Get pills. Get happy. Be safe.
What a thing to be scared of ones own subconscious.
To submit each night to tired eyes and tired limbs.
To know soon it will begin. The flaying of my skin.
Maybe just one more night of peace.
Where broken beds don't mean broken bones.
When these deamons leave me THE FUCK ALONE.
I am happy. I am happy. Days are perfect.
Sunshine and flowers. It's worth it. Oh gods let it be worth it.
I am happy. In reality I am happy. There are no fires here.
But the ones that warm me.
Happy. happy. who knew the night could take that from me?
Not me.