Simon Says

I get the sinking sense that this is all a game of Simon Says
Just repeat after me and don't miss a beat otherwise you'll be out.
Step out of line the tiniest bit and we'll make sure you remember the rules.
Listen to a voice that isn't ours, we'll rally the crowds with a thundering, contemptuous shout.

Simon Says, don't smoke that, don't breath in.
The pain is much better than tainted lungs.
Simon Says, don't drink that, don't let it touch your lips
Unless it's blessed by old bigoted men.

Simon Says, don't love her not that way.
Love everyone, as long as they're playing our game
Simon Says, stay in your place, don't fight it
We may be cruel and weak but we'll win.

Simon says stand
Simon stays kneel
Simon says bow your head

Simon says pray.
But pray only to us
Because the Gods that you love are all dead.

'It's Nothing'

I'm tumbling, mumbling, drunk.
You ask me what wrong, I say 'rum'.
I'm logically, sensibly happy.
But I can't shake the beat of this drum.

Its driving me, forcing me, on.
To a battle I never wanted to fight.
I'm bleeding, receding, run.
I don't want to die here, it's not right.

I don't understand or demand, reason.
It's feels foreign living inside my head
I should be, could be, just fine.
But instead I feel lifeless and dead.

You're breathing, believing, for what?
The knowledge I must be alright.
I don't know what's bringing me down.
But I swear that I won't lose this fight.

Social Justice Poems

[So these are the poems I wrote today after being absolutely disillusioned with the entire human race, everywhere I look people are doing something awful or attacking something that matters to me, gender, sexuality, abuse, christianity, relationship, there was just no escape today. These are probably hard to read and are more on here for self reference than anything and I want to write more about social justice. So here goes]

JUGGLING FIRE

An empty carriage bring frivolity
After an evening of tiring of humanity
And song and dance with a beautiful girl
Watch as the clubs fall and the fire twirl

I wonder why we keep going back
To hear the sound of the scornful whip crack
To hope above hope that people might change
Only to be disappointed again and again.

I will fight for my sisters, I will fight for my kind
I will not let you distort this with your bigoted mind
I care not for the ego of cruel ignorant men
I will cut you down where you stand, with word and with pen


How dare you take what little I own?
And when I fight for it back you whine and you moan
Like a wailing child, flailing in mud
What you were given at birth, I have fought for in blood


[So this is what I posted on tumblr for all of 2 seconds before realising that as mad and hurt as I am, this will only hurt others and/or encourage them to give some opinion which in all likely-hood won't be interpreted well in my current frame of mind, which is why it's now on here]

disclaimer: TW: SEXUAL ABUSE. This is directed at no-one on tumblr. This is an expression of outrage,anger and hurt at the social climate in which I live. It is a compilation of snippets I have written dealing with a lot of shit from a lot of different corners. If this may offend you, or you are looking for exceptional poetry, please scroll on by.

TODAY

Today has defeated me.

I fought my demons all night

And thought they could be vanquished in the sun

But I was wrong.

I have sat silently smoking,

Whilst loud men tell me what it is to be sexually abused

I breathe in and wonder how they would dismiss

The words I have lived, have screamed and have run from.

Would they ask me what I was wearing

Or tell me it couldn’t be true, because he held the title of ‘boyfriend’

Tell me again how eighteen years

Eighteen fucking years of having your hetronormativity shoved down my throat like his cock

Somehow makes me less valid to you.

And lord knows, you need me to need your validation.

Do you know what I don’t need?

Your opinion, your seedy glance, your carefully worded retort.

I’m sick of everyone ignoring the battle

So they can have time to examine each wound.

I know it’s easier to heal a paper cut than a bullet wound

But you can only die from one of them and the guns are firing.

Get out of my cathedral

It has been torn down enough by this world and by me, I didn’t ask you to be here.

Leave my lovers alone. I have fought for them

And just because you cannot comprehend, how dare you label it as ‘friends’

I may not have fought this battle as long

But I have fought it twice as hard, and the wounds are fresh.

You are not helping,

You are not educating me

You are not superior to me

You are salt in my wounds


Be proud.

You have defeated me

Beneath the Skin

Breathe me in and slice away my skin
I can feel you unmaking me, debasing me.
In this hazy word I built from pain, fleeing
An unknown horror, without a face, with out a name.

Call forth your armies and send the men mad
Torture them with images of death, the stink of death
The wet slick of blood against their sword
How many more live must they take until they realise?

This battle is lost, you are already slain.
Don't send out your sons to die for this again.
I fight the tide with wild magic and pills.
With dreams of smoke in my lungs and demons in my head

I can almost taste what it would be like to feel you
I can almost exist within this drifting world you have made for me
But I can feel it shifting, slipping,
Becoming the queen I swore I would never be.

The cruel tyrant writhes inside my bones
Quickening to the sound of your voice
You face is turned away as you walk into the dark
Which I inhabit but will never know.

When it breaks free, and do not mistake me when I say 'when'
I know this frail body will not hold it. I shall not die, I shall be consumed
When it ends I know you will not weep for me,
Turn away with a scowl, breathe in your spinning smoke
And forget.

Untitled.

I do not need you to be better my love,
I do not need you to be okay.
I will not fade, I will not falter, I will not fall

I do not need you to save me as you have once before

I needed it then and you need me now
Like cracked mirrors of each others soul
We cannot make each other whole
But now these spider's webs of flaws are beautiful
And shimmering.

Do not come to me whole.
I will watch as people stick you full of pins
A voodoo doll for their ineptitude
But come home to me and I will pull each one out
Slowly, painfully and dripping blood
I will draw them from your skin
And clean your wounds.

I will light the fire that burns you from the inside
Because you ask me.
I will swear by the essence of my life to love you
With flaws and broken body
With wretched mind and soul
And watch you change and shudder under the weight
And maybe one day when you need it
I will leave you.

But it will not be now,
It will not be here under these stars and in this house
Surrounded by these fumes we both hate
And love, and condemn.
The swirling mist of strangers not yet judged.
And I will understand.

You are not who you are.
Yet you are still enough.
This world will rip you to shreds,
But oh, to save a few is a deed far greater
Than the heroes that write history,
Or the kings that felled nations
Or a man in a different mask.

So you see my love,
In words I can only utter through listening
That I will always fight the oncoming tide by your side
And whilst we may not win the battle for our lives
We will find victory in each others arms.