.

The debt sinks deep into my bones, it doesn't drag me down, it finds a home.
I couldn't, wouldn't, ever want to fight it. You understand, It was I who invited it.
I owe it all to you, this life I lead. The happiness that streams from tears
The chains you broke lay scattered at my feet, replaced my suffering with new found fears.

The mind is filled horrors I can't stop. You stand upon the edge of a great drop.
I know that you alone can make this call, I pray to gods I don't believe in, please don't fall
And yet all of it feeds the monsters inside me, clawing at my skin and at my soul
I know you face much worse than this each day. I made mistakes, I've caused scars that I must own.

It's hurt, to walk across the glass, to enter in, to embrace you as the knives slide through my skin.
And I might slice my hand as I pull out each blade, but as I watch the demons deep within you fade,
The joy, the inexplicable happiness, that I, of all creatures have been allowed to make a difference
Erases any harm that you could cause to come to pass. I would follow you into the deepest darkness.

Blood has trickled, mingled and grown stronger.
Breathes grow ever deeper, ever longer.
Each cut is deeper. Each kiss is sweeter.
Each promise sealed on skin not paper. 

I will fight through every hell and depth
Through cavernous void and impassable cliff
I will not let you fail. I will not let you fall
I will stand beside you throughout it all.

Sometimes I will stumble, I will reach for your hand.
Some days I will hide, as the anger commands
Some nights I will cry, and the words will not come
But I will never leave and I will never  run.

We are two sides
Of the wrong coin
The world fights
The world groans

We will never be
What they thought of us
Love and heresy
In a wedding dress

But every day
It get simpler
Being okay
Gets easier.

And
it
all
comes
down
to 

this

I will always love you.
I will always love you.
I will always love you.

Breathe Out

Breathe out

The nightmares,
The smoke.

Don't let the ash
Sit in you lunges

Or else you'll choke.

Breathe In

It's easy. Just breathe in and then breathe in again.
It's the breathing out that's hard.
Like the falling and the stop.
Except we never stop.
And it kills us anyway.

So I breathe in.
To take my mind off what I'm doing
And how I'm dying.
And why I got up again today
And I'm trying to think of a reason that isn't you.

And we breathe in.
And it seems easy
Although it's freezing, I don't mind
That we're out here, in the middle of the night
Sleep won't come easy. Not like the smoke from my cigarette.

Breathe it all in.
The toxins and the poisons
The diseases and the death row sentence
Rolled up paper and filtered through my lips into my mind
Where the nightmares wait in kind
They're not so kind.

Because I can't breathe them out.

Death

Sometime I think that death surrounds me
Black tendrils snake from my soul and ensnare love ones
Coiling around their faces and behind their eyes
Filling them with a blackness that cannot be undone.

Helpless I struggle against the helplessness
But what use is there in fighting abstract illness?
I am not the corruption of your soul my love
Perhaps I  have grown to love the nameless.

I've tasted the bitterness before
Felt the snake of shame across my skin
The clocks stop and you live in the gasp
The timeless wait for you to breathe in.

I have witnessed the consumption of joy
The sapping of lifelessness I myself so fear
And though it swirls and boils around me
It cowers away and will not draw near.

I cannot defeat it for you, there is no enemy here
Just a familiar sickness in the moment before grief is due
I have often thought that death surrounds me
It has followed me all my life, and I have found it again, with you.